Wednesday, September 4, 2013

If Burning Man Were Everywhere, All the Time


Burners always say if the default world operated in a similar way to the Burning Man culture and principles, then everyone would be happier and this planet would be a better place.

I’m physically back at work but mentally I’m floating around between the playa and society as it is today outside of Black Rock City.  Just like last year, I’ve come back to reality but still want to hug everyone I see and tell them I’m glad they are here.  Unfortunately the barista making my chai didn’t appreciate me leaning over the counter with open arms nor did the cashier at the grocery store seem comfortable with me putting a Burning Man metal cutout around her neck and then giving her a heart on heart hug for thirty seconds.  No, I don’t have my King Soopers card, but I have some love to give!!

As I walked out of the grocery store, a pickup truck was slowly driving by so naturally I hopped on the back.  The cowboy driver slammed on the brakes and despite obviously not being full, I was forced to disembark.

So I walked toward home and saw some people hanging out in their front yard.  I approached with my bottle of hooch and jar of pickles from the grocery store and offered them Pickle Backs. They looked confused and perhaps frightened.  I’m not sure if it was because it was 9am or what, so I took a huge sip of whisky and then slugged down two or three gulps of pickle juice.  I held both out and said “Your turn.”  They mentioned 911 and I said, “Whoa, you don’t have to get Rangers involved.” I noticed a green dirt bike in their driveway so I hopped on and proceeded to ride off.  I’m not sure why their kid started crying.

A few houses down, someone had a really cool interactive sculpture in their front yard.  And by interactive sculpture, I mean three pink flamingos.  So I took about twenty pictures and then pretended to ride one while taking a selfie.  When a woman came out of the house holding a large iron skillet, I asked her if she was the artist and told her she could put the skillet down; I already had two pounds of bacon for breakfast.  As I approached her to hug her goodbye, she ran inside so I left the green community bike and walked again.

A few more houses down, there was a really cool wooden art project that had a swing, slide, seesaw and trapeze.  I was surprised there was no propane around and figured it must be one of the few projects that don’t shoot fire.  And then I realized they must have been preparing to burn it down.  Dark clouds were rolling in and it looked like rain, so I decided I better go ahead and burn the sucker down early.  I shot off a few bottle rockets and then I torched the whole thing.  Neighbors flocked out and stood around in awe.  I offered more Pickle Backs but found no takers, so I moved on.

There was a house being built near my camp, which was nice because I really had to pee.  I found the porta-potty and took care of business.  I was a little disappointed when I was done.  I’ve always wanted to come out to those people that sneak up and roll out a red carpet from the potty to a podium and then cheer for you when you open the door and hand you a trophy and ask you to make a speech.  But alas, it was just some dude in a hardhat and tool belt (nice costume man – at least put some spikes on there next time and maybe wear a tutu – it was Tuesday after all).

I made it back to camp and my cell phone actually rang.  I couldn’t believe I had service! And that snapped me back to reality.  I was at my default home.  I could hear sirens all over the neighborhood.  Apparently people have fear and assume the worst.  This ‘real’ world is not Burning Man. And that is a shame.

I will do my part, maybe with baby steps though.  I will always be nice.  I will participate.  I will do good.  And I will give.  Please join me.


18 comments:

  1. I had that feeling after a Women's Retreat. Collages and feelings and mandelas. No Pickle Backs, though, and that sounds awesome.

    Vodka and Pickle Juice. Now THAT's a drink.

    :-) Yes, really.

    Pearl

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    1. Every women's retreat needs pickles involved, right? ;-)

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  2. Sounds like a Buddhist Octoberfest meets The Hangover. Awesome.

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    1. That was the proposed new name of the event until The Hangover II came out and ruined the whole idea of it.

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  3. Once, back in band camp....
    And then they played Hey Jude and I kissed a boy, accidentally fell into a time portal, and landed here. Band camp was so much nicer. For one thing, the cafeteria at Band Camp had one of those soft serve dispensers just like Dairy Queen and you could make your own cones. It is harder than it looks.

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  4. Mr. W and I were at Wahoo's having dinner a few weeks ago and some random girl came up behind him, hugged him and rested her head on his shoulder, then walked away. I think she was practicing for Burning Man. It was awesome. Glad you made it back safely...if not sanely...

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  5. I'm glad I'm far, far away in the land of non-hugging, frigid Northern people.

    ;-)

    Glad you had an amazing time!

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    1. If you ever want to get over this no-contact policy of yours, Burning Man is the place.

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  6. This, more than any description of Burning Man itself, communicates what it's all about. Does anybody still say, "Sell the sizzle, not the steak"?

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    1. Ha! Check out these pictures from professional photographers. They totally sell the sizzle.

      http://blog.lessthan3.com/2013/09/instaweekly-14-10-of-our-favorite-things-from-burning-man/

      And

      http://www.theatlantic.com/infocus/2013/09/photos-of-burning-man-2013/100584/

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  7. Great Post!! All I ask is did you see Stacy Keibler there? Lol Apparently she was there...
    I want the gory details because I am damn jealous you were there...
    Cheers to my Storylane buddy..
    Michele with one L

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    1. Hey One L!! How do I get in touch with you? Email me. My addy is on my profile here, I think!

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  8. Sounds horrific. All that hugging with strangers and random acts. Terrible. You already know that BM sounds like hell to me: 10 zillions degrees in the desert with people building big effigies and burning them. I'm glad that you had a great time again. I imagine it's a good place to clear your head. Like, completely.

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    1. But what about the creativity and art? You would love that part!!

      It was a good burn. I needed it big time this year. I got some stuff out.

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    2. In which case I applaud it and what it does for you. I hope your burned a few of your own effigies darlin'.

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  9. Once again I have missed Burning Man. All I can say is that this year it did show up on my Google calendar so that I was informed that I was missing Burning Man. It's the only time Google calendar hasn't mysteriously deleted my calendar entries, as it does with every single one of the others, including every birthday of every family member and a few job interviews. I hate Google calendar, but apparently the folks at Google respect the value of the Burning Man and want me to go. Next year ...

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Gimmie some lip