Am I The Only One That Thinks This Is Incredibly Stupid?

Listen to me.  I respect and appreciate everything my kids’ teachers do.  My kids like school and are clearly learning.  Of course I expect that to be the case, but I know many schools are under-funded and don’t have as easy an opportunity to provide a thriving classroom and smooth sailing educational experience.

I’ve mentioned the Truman Show Pleasantville Bubble that I live in here in Denver.  It’s supposed to be an urban redevelopment that is diverse and a multi-mix/use community with houses, condos, apartments, parks, retail, restaurants, rec center, library, etc.  That is all true except for the urban and diverse part.  Its pretty vanilla upper middle class and extremely suburban.  It’s self contained and many people seem to never leave the Bubble.

Living in the Bubble is a great place to raise my kids.  But it comes with a mental price to pay. As you can imagine, living in a Bubble with a shit-ton of highly educated moms that like to be involved in absolutely everything means that they are into your shit and everyone else’s bidness too.  Some of these moms are relentless.  They get on a personal cause and there are gatherings, email campaigns, fundraisers, bitch sessions and wine.  The moms all like to drink a bunch of wine and talk about everything and anyone in the hood. 

Since everyone has kids (or a dog or are gay) in the Bubble, school is a hot topic at all times.  I don’t like to talk about school stuff very often, unless it’s with my kids or ex wife.  Really, there isn’t much to talk about – it’s all good and is what it is.  There are some moms in the hood whose small talk is never about what you do for a living, what you have been up to lately or world events, but rather it gets right into PTA or where the kids are going to middle school or some teacher that needs to shape up.  Hand me a fork so I can stick it in my eye!

I think all the schools in the Bubble are good.  Again, my kids are happy – they like school and are learning.  Enough said! Sure, I’ll donate to the annual fundraiser and I’ll attend all the events my kids are participating in throughout the year.  But I’m not gonna talk education with you at the local bar.  And I’m sure as hell not gonna start celebrating a teacher’s half fucking birthday!  I just got this email today:

Good morning 4th grade parents,
I hope you all had a nice break. Tomorrow we will be celebrating Ms. Connie's 1/2 birthday. I was hoping that as many kids as possible will be able to wish her a happy 1/2 birthday. If your child wants to make her a card, that would be great. I will be bringing her coffee and buying her a gift certificate to Cuba Cuba. I am also hoping to get the kids to sing her happy birthday before they switch classes at 2:45. Wish her a happy birthday if you see her:).

What are we, six? My own kids don’t give a shit about their half birthday. A gift certificate to a cool restaurant because you turned 29 and a half?  Welcome to life in the Bubble.