Monday, October 22, 2012

I Forgot What This is About


It happens to everybody.  If it doesn’t, please lie to me and say it does.  I better say what it is before I forget because that is it.  Memory loss. 

Let’s start at the very beginning, shall we? Most people have a few vague memories of things that happened in and before Kindergarten age.  As we get older, we remember more and more. 

Like my boys who are ages and seven and almost ten.  They remember all the good stuff.  Such as when we still lived in a townhome and I said they could trash the new house when we finally buy one of our own but in the meantime to stop roughhousing and destroying the rental.  That comment has come back to bite me in the ass too many times to count and we’ve only lived in the new house since May.  Don’t even get me started on Saturday morning when the boys woke me up with big bulging eyes and excitement in their voices speaking over each other to say, “Daddy, wake up and come see what we did with Play-Doh!”

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, and then on a school morning, I can make the kids breakfast and ask them to finish eating, brush their teeth, get dressed and pack up their stuff for school all while I’m showering and getting ready for work.  “Okay Daddy.”  Twenty minutes later I come downstairs and they are both lounging on the couch drooling in a stupor while still in their whitey tighties watching cartoons.  “What are you guys doing?  We have to leave in five minutes!  Get your fuhhhhhhh, get your butts in gear!  Why didn’t you do what I asked?”  In a beautiful show of brotherhood solidarity, for the first time in 48 hours they will be completely on the same page with one another and say, “We forgot.”

People tend to remember what they want to remember.  Even with great intentions, sometimes this gets compromised.  I want to remember the names of the people I just met two seconds ago, but I’m too busy judging them to recall details like that. 

All of this is perfectly normal.  The thing is, even when I didn’t really care to remember certain things, if I really put my mind to it, I could come through. But then at some point it all changes.

Nowadays, at the ripe age of 45, those days are over.  I remember lots.  I forget lots.  Hopefully the stuff I forget isn’t all that important and my subconscious is doing a little triage for my overtaxed brain as a favor to myself.  Thanks self!

I’m not talking about spending a half hour looking for sunglasses that were on your head or keys that were in your pocket the whole time.  That is just idiocy.  I’m talking about walking into a room for a specific purpose and in the five seconds it took to get there you have no idea why you are there.

Or like last week when I took my boys out to dinner because we had no groceries and I figured we’d stop at the store on the way home.  Sometime around 11p with my boys sound asleep in bed and me watching TV with one eye open while dozing on the couch, I got a text from a friend.  The message mentioned food.  That is when it dawned on me that I forgot to stop at the store.  No milk for breakfast.  No fruit.  Nothing to make for lunch.  My kids aren’t old enough to leave  alone at home.  Would it be okay just to give them a Monster and pat them on the ass as they run off to school?   

The other day I couldn’t remember the word ‘hacked.’  I was laughing that one of my friend’s Facebook account was, well; hacked.  But I couldn’t remember that word so I struggled with my comment.

“Haha, looks like somebody, um, snuck on your laptop while your Facebook was open….”  Delete.  “Haha, you were robbed!”  Delete.  “Haha, you got…..”  Delete.  Thinking, thinking.  “Haha, looks like you got impostered…”  That’s not even a fucking word!  Delete.  “Heh…”  Delete.  “Haha, looks like you…. are, FUCK”  Delete.  “Haha , you got axed!!”  Delete.  That felt close.

Maybe I should try Google.  So I typed into Google search, “When somebody breaks into your computer.”  All that did was correct me to search for “When SOMEONE breaks into your computer.”  Fuck off Google!  So I gave up. 

An hour later at lunch, I slammed down my sandwich and with a mouthful of roast beef yelled, “Hacked!!” The grin on my face enhanced my crazy eyes and scared a few small children.  Is it wrong for a grown man sitting by himself to scream out “hacked” while spraying sourdough bread crumbs from his mouth as he body slams his sandwich?

Somehow I am able to be a single father, own a business, have a social life and for the most part, keep my shit together.   The funny thing is, all my little mind farts and memory lapses sound completely normal based on similar escapades by friends.  Is this true?   Am I really not going crazy?

PS - Little kids at the lunch place that saw the “hacked” episode, please don’t answer that last question.

PPS – Thanks to Rich for getting me bread, milk and blueberries on his own accord that night.  That made our morning much easier! 

PPS - Please come by this week to pick up my grocery list for next week.


26 comments:

  1. Can you send Rich my way next please? I'll trade you the friend who wants a booty call for the one that picks up groceries for me.

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    1. I'd consider that if the booty call is from a woman. I'm open minded but don't swing from both sides of the plate.

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  2. Your memory lapses are starting early....I'm concerned for you by the time your 60+!

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    1. I should be concerned, but I have decided I don't really care. Every day is an adventure and if I forget it, I'll do something new tomorrow.

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  3. You didn't mention me once here. Did you forget you were going to blog about me?

    Shit. I bet you can remember every sitcom jingle from the70’s and 80’s.

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    1. This whole post is about you! I just forgot to put you in there! Duh!

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  4. I so so SO wish I were making this up but Erik just bellowed at me from the other room to "keep the cackling to a minimum please, I'm trying to work in here".

    The whole paragraph about trying to figure out how to comment without the word "hack". I think I laughed more at this one than your post about that really awesome date you had that one time.

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    1. I'm sure you have had the same problem. And I like that Erik didn't try to make you stop cackling, just keep it down. You can't stop a good cackle.

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  5. " I want to remember the names of the people I just met two seconds ago, but I’m too busy judging them to recall details like that"

    Holy shit! This is exactly why I can't remember names. What's the word for when you have a real lightbulb moment? Epididymis? Nuh Uh. Episiotomy? No... Fuck it.

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    1. We would be scary at the same cocktail party. We relate all too well. Although I don't think I'd be able to substitute medical procedures south of the border for symphony, I mean appendectomy (that's north of the border), epitome (ah fuck it), like you do.

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  6. You are absolutely not going crazy. Your "hacked" episode is a daily occurrence for me. Also, the line "Get your fuhhhhhhh, get your butts in gear!" made me laugh because I was looking after my niece the other day and it made me realize just how much I cuss having to catch myself from teaching her all sorts of new and fun phrases.
    I think of my brain as a cup, the more you pour in, the more spills out.

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    1. Kids are good for lots of things. They are the best birth control ever. They help with potty mouth. They test patience. Ideally they aren't your own - so you are set there with your niece.

      I like the cup analogy. I might steal that and claim it as my own.

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  7. It's good to hear someone else talk about it. I feel like I'm going bananas sometimes. I refuse to admit it's age. I tell everyone it's because I'm so busy.

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    1. I like that. When I do stupid things from now on I'll just say, "If I weren't so busy, I might be able to remember your name!"

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  8. The whole forgetting words thing seems to be my biggest brain glitch lately. It happens to me on almost a daily basis. And when you're a writer it sucks! I'm attributing it to either Mad Cow Disease or early-onset Alzheimer's. Yet I can still remember random shit like the combo to my junior high locker...

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    1. I hear ya. I can name the entire starting lineup of the 1975 Cincinnati Reds and I'm a Cubs fan! I also remember my childhood home phone numbers, but now know nobodies since all we do is hit a button on the smart phone. I think technology contributes to my dementia.

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  9. I remember mostly pop culture stuff - lines from movies is my speciality. I have a friend with whom I'll email back and forth all day from work, just one line from a movie. His mind works like mine (scary), and he replies with another line. We switch up the movies without warning, too (usually, Airplane!, Weird Science, Postcard From the Edge, History of the World, Breakfast Club, St. Elmo's Fire...) Sometimes this is via text. So much fun.

    But ask me what clothes I wore yesterday, or, like you - why I walked in to a room? Forget it.

    It's nice to hear others (people who aren't drug addicts) struggling with the same shit.

    Also, I remember numbers a TIMES, but I am dyslexic, so I doubt they are correct.


    Was going to say something else profound, but I forgot what it was.

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    1. A good movie line buddy is always fun. I have a quite a few, but per my declining memory, I tend to butcher the lines. Now go have fun storming the castle!

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  10. I think I read somewhere that lapses like that are related to a decline in hormone levels. Estrogen is what your brain uses to form words, or remember them and connect them to the thought you have. Women produce estrogen normally, until menopause. Men's brains convert testosterone into estrogen as needed, such as when trying to remember the word 'hacked'. But at 45 it is likely that your supply of testosterone is starting to decline. The inability to remember the word 'hacked' is a warning. Another warning would be if you watched the movie "The Avengers" and didn't marvel at the scene in which Scarlett Johansson's ass was clearly the only reason they filmed that scene in the first place. That would be a big warning about low testosterone levels. Not that I'm saying forgetting the word 'hacked' means you have a medical problem. I'm just saying, if your levels were checked I'm betting they'd say "it could be higher, but we don't consider it a problem. Unless you're planning on writing a novel anytime soon. If that's the case you'll probably need some supplements or something."

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    1. Scarlett Johansson is number one on my celebrity hall pass list. Those lists always crack me up - what celebrity would ever go do somebody that even has a list? Anyway, your diagnosis is worrisome. I guess I feel okay knowing I'm such a horn dog and get plenty of action. But is this gonna slow down? Is 'hacked' just the start of a declining sex life?!! You tell me this on Hump Day!!?

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  11. My 3 kids make fun of me all the time for this.

    And it is funny. I decide it's funny, or else I cry at what befuddled old woman I've become.

    My kids' biggest entertainment? The way I mutilate popular band names.

    Like, what's their face One Way, One Step, One Man.

    One Direction, mom, ONE DIRECTION.

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    1. My mom always butchered the names of places and things. One of her most awesome recent ones was when I told her I was going to Burning Man. She followed up a few times to ask me about Birmingham.

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  12. Oh man, happens to the best of us. My favorite is reminding myself to go down a floor to get A. All the way down the stairs I am chanting in my head, "Don't forget, don't forget", with each step I take. I get to where I need to go and realize that I was so focused on the chant that I totally forgot what I went down there for.

    Sigh :)

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    1. Maybe you should lay off the tequila? I'm so happy this isn't just me.

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  13. A) I recently had an MRI to see if I have brain damage from my Lupus to explain my memory loss. MRI came out clean but I KNOW that Alzheimer's doesn't show up on an MRI scan so I am not convinced that I am fine.
    B) I have spent 20 minutes looking for glasses that were ON MY FACE...YES IN FRONT OF MY EYES!!!
    C) I have spent a whole day wearing both contacts and glasses and not even wondering why my vision was blurred
    D) I never remember people's names when I meet them and now I understand that yes, it is because I am too busy judging them! Thank you for explaining that one to me! I nearly pissed myself when I read that.
    And E (are we on E? I forget...) I have terrible word recall lately! I totally understand the frustration you felt trying to remember the word hacked. The same thing happened to me only my word was "pork." I have had other words elude me...once while writing my blog post about my memory problems...but pork? Come on! I sat there telling my son, "you know, not chicken. Not beef. The white shit." He answered (with frustration, not concern, mind you) "PORK, MOM!!"
    I wish I could convince you that you are not losing your mind but I am not convinced that I'm not...

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    1. Thanks for making me feel better. It could be worse - I could be you! Heh. At least you have a great sense of humor about it all!

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Gimmie some lip