The sweaty man looked at me with a raised eyebrow. In his heavy Mexican accent he said, “Hey
Brett, what are you doing with your backyard?”
“I’m going to put in a huge-ass patio, some grass and some aspen. “
“I can do that for you.
And I’ve got a big shipment of aspen coming in next week.”
“The couch goes in the basement. Why would I hire my movers to do my
backyard?”
He grunted while he lifted an end of the couch over his
head. “Oh this. I’m just helping these
guys out. I have a landscaping company.”
“What’s it called?”
“It’s my dad’s business.
I run it now. We’ve had it for
sixty years.”
“What’s it called?”
“You should see the aspen.
You won’t find any better.”
“The couch can go by that wall over there. I don’t know man. I just spent all my money on this house. What is the name of your landscaping
company?”
“I’ll give you a great deal.
You just tell your neighbors about us, but don’t tell them my price.”
“How much?”
He leaned in closer and said “Fifty bucks a tree. Plus $25 per tree for planting and setting
them.”
I had just gotten a proposal from a legitimate landscaping
company in the neighborhood and they quoted $225 per tree and I’m not sure if
that was with or without labor. “They
must be tiny saplings. I don’t want to
be a giant amongst my aspen trees. “
“No no man, they are great.
Fifteen feet high. We just
planted a whole bunch for some guy over in Park Hill.”
“I don’t know hombre.
Send me a picture. And put those
boxes upstairs please.”
The next day I got four calls from this guy. He texted me a photo and they looked pretty
good but it was hard to tell because they were all piled in a flatbed. I told him to meet me at my house.
I now have ten aspen trees planted in my backyard of
dirt. I wrote a check. It was payable to the guy’s alleged name.
They did a great job moving and it was cheap. The moving check was written out to a guy
named Shorty. The aspen trees are
beautiful. The mover is coming over
next week to give me a proposal for the patio.
He also said he “has a guy” that does window well grates. I wonder if he can help me get a sweet couch
and rug for the family room. Room and
Board isn’t a cheap store. I could also use
some tickets to a concert at Red Rocks.
I wonder if his window well guy can help me out with that.
Where the hell do you steal Aspens from? Home Depot?
ReplyDeleteAnd Shorty? Really?
No good will come of this! Mark my words!! (To be read with ominous foreshadowy voice)
I have a feeling those Aspens came out of the yard of some guy over in Park Hill. Don't be surprised when you wake up one morning and they're gone.
ReplyDeleteHaHaHa your post reminds me of when we built our pool. We wanted real tile as the decking around the pool, but the price was astronomical. "Jose" quoted us a great price for the tile but we are pretty sure there may have been some "spices" smuggled in that tile in order to get that amazing deal. But hey, our real tiled patio is the freakin' bomb baby!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteCan you get some DJ equipment and some generators? My Jose wanted 2k to remove 3 tons of cactus I finally got him to 600. In July. In Arizona . He did a fantastic job.. OMG and the maids I have, I so heart them.
ReplyDeleteI need some shady connections.
ReplyDeleteI see nothing wrong with this transaction. #immacheapass
ReplyDeleteHaha!!! I can hear him now, "You don't worry 'bout it."
ReplyDeleteI think I just saw blue lights headed your way.
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid I'm with you - I'd already have written several checks to "Shorty." I love a bah-gain.
ReplyDeleteGood luck. I hope he's the real deal1
ReplyDeletePost a pic? Or email it? Keen to see what you're on about.
ReplyDeleteWhat's the name of that company he runs for his dad, again?
ReplyDeleteHe takes cash, yeah? (Just nipping out to the cashpoint machine..)
@vapidvixen: You Utes are too conservative. C'mon VV, get crazy and do some trading on the black market once in awhile!
ReplyDelete@hunnerwoof: That is damn funny. And hopefully not going to be the case!
@JKIRF: It all worked out, right? Yay!
@momo: I should ask if they can stock the art car.
@mandy: It makes you feel like a suburban gangstah.
@summer: Cheap, but also of great quality!
@nicki: Yeah, shady characters aren't all that good at making you relax.
@lickety: I don't think there is any such thing as the Aspen Cops.
@dawn: Other people are already asking me if I can get Shorty to help them with their shit.
@eva: The real deal of a scammer?
@Cat: I will!
@shrinky: I'm stuck on the nipping out part. What are we talking about again?
Sometimes it is better if you just don't ask where stuff comes from. It probably 'fell off the truck' *wink*wink*
ReplyDeleteThems some handy gents, the kind you want to keep happy. Smile alot. Promise to recommend them.
ReplyDeletePay cash dude, you don't want a canceled check with your name on it doing business like this.
Happy aspens!