Albert, Bob and Eleanor

Some guy named Albert Einstein supposedly once said, “I never worry about the future.  It comes soon enough.”  I love that.  I try to live in the moment and old Bert must have thought that was a good idea too. 

Of course, I care about the future.  I have kids and own a business and therefore have people relying on me in many ways for their future.  I’m just not worried about it.  I know it will be good.  Great even. 

If you don’t trust Al Einstein, then how ‘bout Bob Marley?  He tells me all the time to don’t worry ‘bout a thing cuz every little thing gonna be all right.  He says it over and over in a hypnotic smiley kind of way that makes me want to high five AE and talk about his wild hair.  That Bobby.  For a burnout, he is a wise wise dude.

I just got Sonos at home.  I also signed up for Rhapsody.  So now I can listen to all the Bob Marley I want and pipe it wirelessly to any speaker in my house (I have four strewn about).  It’s pretty cool.  I control it all from my iPhone.  What can’t the iPhone do?  I think I’ll put my iPhone on my desk chair and go take a nap while it does all my work.

There is an app for everything.  I have an app that controls your brain.  Yes it’s true.  I actually pressed a button icon shaped like a brain (I’m not sure what it means that the brain was so small) and then pulled up your name and instructed you to read this blog post of mine.  You didn’t choose this at all.  Believe me, you have waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better things to do than read my shit. 

I’ve been creating a music library and got pissed off about some music that has been ruined.  My old girlfriend Snow White ruined Pink Floyd for me.  She told me they are bad luck and every time they come on the radio we had to change stations.  I love Pink Floyd but I can’t fight that kind of declaration so now I never listen to Pink Floyd. 

Joe Rogan ruined Plain White T’s for me.  I saw his comedy show at a club a few years ago and he was ripping that song Hey There Delilah a new asshole.  I never really minded that song too much but ever since then I’ve had a negative association that has caused me to immediately turn off that song anytime I hear it.  Making it worse, now any time I hear another Plain White T’s song, I think of Hey There Delilah and it’s new asshole and I shudder and therefore have nixed PWT altogether.  

Another band that got ruined for me is Genesis and anything solo from Phil Collins.  I liked them in high school but as I grew up I realized how lame they are and I actually detest the fact that I used to like them.  This comes from a guy that doesn’t hate so it’s weird how I’ve developed this revulsion.  I think it mostly has something to do with that dumb-ass song Sussudio.  Sussudio doesn’t even mean anything.  I’d punch Sussudio in the neck but there is no such thing and therefore no neck.  Plus, I’m a lover, not a fighter so maybe I’d just mock it mercilessly instead. 

Could you imagine if I met a girl named Delilah while Pink Floyd was singing Sussudio on the radio?  I’d probably spontaneously combust.

I don’t know where I’m going with this.  I blame the Monster.  I’ve developed what must be an unhealthy habit of drinking one Monster per day.  It doesn’t even taste good.  It tastes like Sussudio that was left in the sun too long.   I blame Eleanor Roosevelt.  She said, “Do one thing everyday that scares you.”  Monster scares me.  Good old Ellie.

My mom’s name is Ellie.  I always wanted her to open a deli.  Her slogan would be Fill Your Belly at Ellie’s Deli.  She could sell Monster there too.  And pipe in music from Rhapsody.  I could control it all with my iPhone.  I could even have my iPhone make you a roast beef sandwich with provolone. 

I got my mom (Ellie) and dad a Weber grill for their 50^th wedding anniversary present.  Ellie (mom) just called to tell me the grill arrived and it’s in about eleventy seven thousand pieces.  My mom exaggerates.  The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, so I’m okay with that.  So the grill is going to sit there until the boys and I visit next month.  Or maybe I’ll have my iPhone put it together right now.

I’m going to release you from my control via my iPhone app.  I won’t even make you leave a comment because really, haven’t I said quite enough?

PS - Shameless plug to check out my blog on the adventure of Burning Man 2012.  Click here!