Facebook Baseball aka How Many Friends Have You Licked

I don’t write about dating.  Unless there is bacon involved.  I break rules for bacon.  I’d take bacon from a baby.  I was out all day and night on Monday because it was opening day.  For those non-baseball fans, that means I was at the Rockies game which entailed pre-game parties starting before noon, in-game partying, post game parties and into the evening partying.  Around 9p we were getting tired and about to call it a night when we stumbled into El Chapultepec.  Five hours later they closed up on us.  The jazzy blues band was phenomenal – it reminded me of Chicago live music.

What was I talking about?  Dating?  Bacon? Baseball?  Yes, yes and yes.  Hang in there. I’m going to tie all this together.  Even if you aren’t a fan of baseball, I’m going to assume you grew up a horny adolescent and often talked about girls or boys with your friends.  Back in the day when we were all discovering each other and exploring body parts, progress by us guys was sometimes measured in baseball terms. 

For example, you could sheepishly admit you got to first base if you played kissy face.  If you scored any boob action, that was second base.  Fans of the real game will argue that the triple is the most exciting play in baseball.  Well, in our little sex analogy, getting to third base was a really big deal and just as exciting.  Follow up questions would be if you slid in to third or just rounded it and came in standing up.  Of course the big score is a home run – going all the way. 

Meatloaf’s Paradise by the Dashboard Light is a pretty fun song.  He captures this well in the lyrics and play by play.  Good stuff.

Dating and baseball.  We are getting to the point folks.  The dating world today is way different than it was my first time around.  Nowadays when you meet someone new, whether they are a date or maybe a potential date, or when a friend becomes a friend with benefits, or you date someone numerous times; inevitably you are going to have to figure out how to handle Facebook.  If you aren’t on Facebook, congratulations, this isn’t an issue. 

I finally succumbed to Facebook a couple years ago.  My friends list grew quickly since Facebook is a fucking freak of no privacy and will suggest you friend everyone you have ever known from birth to today.  It finds every classmate you ever had, every girl you ever kissed, every co-worker you ever had and even relatives you’ve been avoiding like a plate of lima beans.  I wasn’t too picky about who I friended, other than trying to keep clients and work people out of the mix.  Facebook has even connected me with many of you in the blog world – some of whom I actually know in real life or at least know well virtually.  And some of you I really don’t know at all.  It’s a giant mixed bag.

Back to dating.  I never ask a date about her Facebook nor do I want to friend her.  But sometimes they will ask me.  I’ll get that little notification saying Sally From the Alley wants to friend me.  And then I have to decide if I want Sally From the Alley to be mixed with someone(s) I am currently dating.  But how did someone I’m currently dating get in there anyway?  It happens because I usually accept anyone that asks, as long as I actually know them.  So I end up with Rosie Rotten Crotch and Sally From the Alley as my friends.  I know; I hang out with some super classy women. 

Is this making any sense?  Put it this way.  My friend list includes ex girlfriends, ex dates, really close friends (wink wink) and so on, of which I have different on-base percentages and total bases.  Those are baseball terms again, but you know what I mean.  And, there may or may not be friends of mine that I’d like to get to first or second base (but really third and home).   I won’t admit to anything unless you give me bacon.  The infamous little black book has become Facebook.

I’ve decided that it isn’t a problem having the mix of friends I have on Facebook.  We are friends because they are cool.  And my friends don’t have much drama which is why we are friends.  But thinking about all this made me go in and see what my batting average looked like.  Remember, this goes back to high school dates too.  For all the bacon in the world, I’m not giving you the stats on the back of my baseball card.  But go check your list and let me know if it’s more startling than you realized. 

Do you have multiple friends on Facebook that you have messed around with?  Are you currently juggling friends with benefits?  Do you have some friends on there that you’d like to circle the bases with?