“We are bored,
Daddy.”
“Why don’t you guys play together?”
“We don’t have anything to do.”
I looked over their pint size shoulders and saw toys
spilling out of their rooms all over the floor, splattered on the walls,
hanging from the ceiling, overflowing the garage and taking over the
world.
“Really?”
“Really?”
“No. Nothing.”
I kicked aside an art set and drawing tablets to step closer
and kneel down so I could look them in the eye.
This is not easy when there are four sparkling blue eyes beaming back at
you, but I’m a professional Daddy; I know what I’m doing. “Sons.
I feel you. I am sorry you are so
bored. All these stupid toys sure get in
the way of having fun. And your wild
imaginations are stifled by your busy schedules and obligations. Sure, you don’t even know what time it is
because every second at home is play-time but that sounds stressful to me.”
I put my hands on their shoulders and put my head down so I
could weep. “Daddy, why are you
pretending to cry?”
“Because I am so sad for you. Boredom at ages almost 7 and 9. There is nothing to do, oh my!”
“Daddy, are you joking?
You aren’t being serious are you?”
“Well, you could do homework. That takes about 15 minutes. You could read. You could play with any number of your
millions of toys. You could go outside and
play. You could ride bikes. You can hit tennis balls. You can make up a game. You can eat bugs for
all I care. But you have got to be
kidding me - you are bored?!!!??”
“Umm, can we watch TV?”
“Fuck no!” Okay, I
didn’t say fuck, but I screamed it on the inside.
“Can we have a snack?”
“Can we have a snack?”
“Sure, there are fruit and vegetables in the fridge. Have at it.”
“Can we have a real snack?”
“Hell to the no!”
Yes, I did actually say that. It
slipped out.
“Can we play the Tackle Daddy game?”
“Only if I can tickle you.”
“NO TICKLING.”
I proceeded to tickle them mercilessly. Even saying “I’m a monkey’s bottom” (our
version of Uncle) didn’t stop me. Once I had them both securely pinned to the floor under my
arms and legs, I said, “Boys, I’m bored.
I have nothing to do.”
“Don’t you have to pack?”
“If you mean for New Orleans (Jazz Fest) this weekend;
yes. If you mean for moving into our new
house next week; yes.”
“You are all done with work though, right?”
“No little men. It is
Tuesday. I have to work all week. We have tons going on.”
“It seems like you have lots to do Daddy. You shouldn’t be so bored.”
“Really?”
You know what'd be really cool - besides you? A collection of your posts about them in a book. You can present it to each of them when they are adults. Priceless.
ReplyDeleteMy son hasn't really figured out how the word boring applies, but he uses it nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteMe: don't talk to me in that tone of voice
Him: that's boring!
On some level he's right, the whole exchange is tedious. He knows that boredom is not good, per se, so he applies it whenever he doesn't like something.
Me: there are no apples sweetie, have a plum
Him: that's boring!!!
Daddy, please don't be bored! (sad face)
ReplyDeleteGet your work done and then get your ass to N'awlins. When you're done with that, get your ass back home and tell us all about it.
I literally JUST finished telling my two youngest that we are boxing up all of their trillions of toys and giving them to other kids if they tell me they're bored one more time. It was a very realistic threat.
ReplyDeleteHahahah ohhh I remember telling my mom I was bored a lot. She HATED it.
ReplyDelete@christine: Haha, that is funny. My kids won't ever turn into adults. Duh.
ReplyDelete@bridgette: Your son inspired this post. Not many kids can put a table on their bed and put a chair on top of that and then sit atop it all while wobbling to and fro all in the name of defying boredom.
@angie: Angie, everybody knows the first rule about book club is you don't talk about New Orleans. Not to mention that whatever happens in New Orleans stays in New Orleans. And on my Facebook page.
@jessicab: I'm glad it was a realistic threat. I've calculated that my threats tend to average a 23% likelihood of ever actually happening. The hope is that my kids don't figure that out.
@gia: You sound like a problem child.
I made the mistake of spewing out "I'm bored" to my parents when I was a kid... what my parents heard was "give me chores to do". I didn't make that mistake again.
ReplyDeleteMeet me for a drink when you realize Denial is not just a river in Egypt. xxpp
ReplyDeleteI am the meanest mom--but shit you not, whenever my kids have told me they were bored (which I think has happened three times) I have instantly made them go out to the yard and clean up dog crap.
ReplyDeleteTotally nipped that in the bud.
I worked at a daycare right out of high school. Had a class of kindergartners. They got bored. A lot. I brought in shaving cream for them to make art with on the drawing tables and lined them up for customized crayola marker tattoos. They LOVED me.
ReplyDeleteThe parents didn't.
Ha! Sounds like you are handling things well. K.
ReplyDeleteHaha!! They are so damn smart!! =) I took my kids to the amusement park and after 45 minutes, they complained that they were bored!! What the fuck??? I told them they are too spoiled if the amusement park bores them and they need to stay home for the next 2 weeks so they can see what bored is.
ReplyDeleteWhat is this "bored" you speak of?
ReplyDeleteok just curious. whhhhyyyy no TV? TRY iCarly. [hilarious]
ReplyDelete