Drew thinks Santa Claus is a Colombian drug lord. I shouldn’t have let him watch Scarface and The Doors movies back to back. This morning he announced that he is asking Santa for magic powder that makes his stuffed animals come alive. If Christmas is too far out, I’m pretty sure you can buy that stuff on East Colfax from a local dealer.
The funny thing is, Drew doesn’t realize his stuffed animals are already alive. I know! First graders are so stupid! They can’t even multiply double-digit numbers. Nor can they vote or drive. How embarrassing. I’m sitting here with Blue Dog right now having a beer. He likes Red Stripe which makes perfect sense since he was made in China where reggae got its start.
“Hey Blue Dog, what up dawg?”
“Ay mon. Can I have another Red Stripe?”
“No way. You are supposed to be in bed with Drew. What if he wakes up and wants to cuddle with you.”
“I’ve got the Puffles on high alert.”
“I thought those guys play Texas Hold ‘Em every night.”
“No mon. That is the Angry Birds. Those assholes don’t let anyone else play.”
“Oh, right. Well get back in there anyway and don’t hump Fluffy. Dogs and pandas shouldn’t behave that way together.”
“Good friends we have, oh, good friends we have lost,”
“Stop it Blue Dog.”
“Along the way, yeah! In this great future, you can’t forget your past,”
“You aren’t a Rasta dog. How many times do I have to say you weren’t born in the ghetto of Kingston? You were made in fucking China! And are you implying Fluffy lives in a slum?”
“So dry your tears, I seh. Yeah! No, woman, no cry; no woman no cry. Eh yeah!”
“It is one of my favorite Bob Marley tunes…”
Together we sing, “A little darlin’, don’t shed no tears; no woman no cry. Eh!”
That crazy Blue Dog. He knows I’m a sucker for good music. He finally went back to bed to snuggle with the Drew-boo. I’m sure Fluffy got violated along the way.
I’ve had my kids and their eleventythousand animals all week. We finally sold our old house. The we is me and my ex. The old house is the one I used to live in before I moved out two years ago. The kids spent half their time there with their mom and the other half with me. The ex is homeless for a week until her new pad is ready for her to move in. So I have had the boys and the zoo they sleep with all week and until Monday morning.
The timing works out well because I have to go to Boston next week for work. It just came up and will actually be a fun business trip. My work obligations will be Wednesday to Friday. Instead of flying back, I’ll stay for the weekend. I’m the King of Adding a Day (or two) to Business Trips. Many people are unaware of that particular kingdom. Those same people probably can’t multiply big numbers.
So yeah, I’ll have the whole weekend to play in Boston. It seems I’ve been there a bunch the past few years. If anyone has any recommendations, please let me know. Blue Dog has recommended a few reggae bars/restaurants, but I’d rather eat seafood than Chinese, so I’m going to blow off his advice.
I think the Angry Birds are harassing the Puffles. I better get in there before they wake up the Drew-boo. Everything’s gonna be alright. Everything’s gonna be alright, yeah.