Witchy Woman

Imagine if you were casting a movie and you needed to fill the role of a witch. This is my vision, so let me qualify the parameters. I’m not talking about a green faced Wizard of Oz witch, nor is she a hot and sexy Witches of Eastwick witch. No, this is a true blue Hansel & Gretel witch. She is old and wrinkly with a big nose and scowling face. Her hair is a scraggy grey and covered by a dirty hooded cloak. She looks like a hag in her layers of clothes.

Got it?

I found her. On a bus of course.



Try to ignore my finger. I didn’t want the witch to see me taking her picture in fear of being turned into a frog. I somewhat stealthily and clumsily took a few quick snapshots under the guise of straining to read something very important on my screen. This photo was the best of the bunch.

The most wonderful part of this isn’t that she is wearing Crocs. No, the best part of this discovery on the bus that delighted me to no end is the book she is reading. You can’t see from the picture, but I kid you not; the witch is reading Wicked. I squirmed with excitement when I noticed the title and think I made an audible squeal. That was when I knew I had to take her picture.

Although I was tempted to stand up and point at her while shouting, “Burn her! She is made of wood,” I refrained because I have witch blood in my family (my mom is a descendant of Rebecca Nurse of the famed Salem witchcraft trials) and I really really didn’t want to get turned into a frog. That shit can happen you know.

So I just watched her, smiling ear to ear and elbowing my buddy while raising eyebrows at the witch and grunting "ehh, ehhh?" He sat there with a clueless look on his face (although he always looks that way) wondering why I was taking pictures of somebody’s grandma.

I hope this makes you as happy as it made me. I need to hop on out to lunch now. I’m hoping to meet a fair princess down by the pond. Rrrribbit.

Bitch on PMS

My eight year old son Will loves playing Dance Party on the Wii. It is tied for his favorite game with Dance Party II. He has played so often that he knows the words to all kinds of pop/dance songs. So now he will randomly sing songs all over the place. Today, we were walking down the hallway of my condo and he started singing Kate Perry’s Hot & Cold which is one of his favorites. He usually gets lyrics right because he is very particular about details. But like anyone, sometimes he is mistaken about the words and has adopted his own version as the real thing.

This Hot & Cold song is an odd one to hear him sing because it has a line in there about a girl and PMS. Will always sings along during the Wii game and then during his random outbursts like in the car or on the street, it is unsettling to hear him singing PMS. Especially since he has no idea what it means and surprisingly hasn’t asked.

But there is more. Here is what he sings: “You, PMS, like a bitch…” Yep, my innocent little angel smiles ear to ear and does a little kid jig while he bellows out lines about PMS and a bitch. The real line is chick and not bitch. So Drew likes to correct him and yell, “No, it’s CHICK.” Neither of them have asked what a bitch is, which is nice.

Luckily, Will isn’t quite the outgoing singer around lots of people so I’m not sure if anyone has ever heard his joyous tribute to bitches and PMS.

Drew has his verbal moments as well. I can’t remember the exact context, but he recently said, “Daddy can have business with himself.” Oh if he only knew. It’s been a cold winter.

Not everything they say is inappropriate. Some is just damn funny and brilliant. Will takes after me and bumps into shit all the time. I tend to hit my noggin, whereas he does that too, but more often bangs his elbows or most of all, stubs his toes. My couch is kind of horse shoe shaped with tiny metal legs that really do attract a bevy of jammed feet and stubbed toes – to the point where I often put the throw pillows on the ground in front of the couch legs.

A few days ago, the kids’ mom texted to tell me that Will banged a body part for the eleventeenth time and he screamed out:

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, why can’t the world be made out of pillows?!”

And then last night Will stubbed his toes on the evil couch yet again and he shouted:

“When will the couch legs be made out of pillows!”

I was laughing and he got pissed at me and said, “Daddy! I. Am. Not. Kidding!!!”

It is fun when your own kids yell at you. I know I was laughing, but geez, he was like a bitch on PMS.

Business Advice

I have a buddy whose best and only business advice is to hire young tail. It is correct to assume my pal is male and obnoxious. And damn funny. Good thing I rarely listen to him. That lawsuit wouldn’t be fun and my friend is not a lawyer.

I am not hiring right now, but over the fourteen years I have been running my business, I have had to do quite a bit of hiring. And unfortunately some firing too. I think finding good people is hard to do and once you have them, do everything you can to keep them. On the flip side, it doesn’t take long to realize somebody isn’t a good fit. Sometimes it can be salvaged with hard work, training or maybe changing the job role. But usually it makes the most sense to cut that bad investment off quickly.

There are tons of really talented people out there. I get well qualified resumes coming across my desk every week. A lot of creative people in the advertising business team up their services. An art director will partner with a copy writer and often come as a package whether as freelancers or even full time hires. My company doesn’t do any creative in-house, so I don’t ever interview art directors or copy writers.

With that said, there are two young creative talents out there that I’m keeping an eye on. I have to admit they are extremely good looking. Blonde hair, blue eyes, great shape. They have boundless energy and are really fucking funny. They blend verbal humor with pratfalls to make themselves quite the entertaining pair. Kind of like Chevy Chase without the swearing. They prefer bathroom humor over dropping f-bombs.

Oh, and these are guys. My friend definitely had females in mind with his ‘young tail’ advice. But hey, curb appeal in advertising works with women and men, so maybe his strategy still applies here. The main catch with these two isn’t that they are stupid, because I think they are quite smart. However, they are really immature. Often times with creative talent you put up with some sort of personality flaw in order to get to the end result – great work.

So I’ve been keeping a very close eye on these two dudes. They never cease to amaze me which makes it easier to accept that they often dress alike and sometimes act like they hate each others’ guts. They have produced awesome designs and artwork. They have both written copy that would make you fall off your chair. I actually have put some of their work up in my office.

Maybe someday I’ll expand our services and see if I can hire these guys. On the other hand, do I want to deal with nepotism, countless spills, fighting and random throw-ups? All I know is these little dudes rock.