I have acquired a new skill. I know it’s hard to believe I can become even more talented than I already am. I amaze myself all the time. And this time it doesn’t even involve taking down my pants, although it does involve my nether regions.
I can shove a quarter in my butt, penguin walk toward a glass on the floor, straddle it and drop the quarter right into the cup. I know! I’d expect a call from Letterman however I have to admit this skill isn’t all that difficult to achieve, although it does take lots of practice.
Now before you try this yourself, you need more information. Don’t forget, I said this does not involve taking down your pants. I’m sorry! You know nobody loves taking their pants off more than me, but in this case the pants are necessary for making the game harder and to protect the innocent from an unpleasant scene, much less the next holder of the defiled quarter.
The first step is location, location, location. Sure you could try this at home, but what fun is that? Do this in bar with lots of people around. It’s about a 50/50 split as to others that can’t wait to take a try versus those that will not under any circumstances walk like a constipated penguin to drop stuff from their ass.
Next, if you are using a glass cup, you might want to put in a tiny bit of water. I still call total bullshit but the first time I was able to drop my quarter from my ass crack into the cup, it bounced out and the chicks that taught us the trick claimed my feat was invalid. I had to do it again. Plastic cups don’t seem to promote bouncing, but a little water will guarantee success.
Now you are ready. Stand a foot behind the cup (you are not allowed to start while hovering over the cup). I recommend you hitch up your pants quite a bit. Bagginess makes clenching more difficult. Simply insert the quarter into your butt crack (while wearing pants) and clench like a vice grip.
You need the quarter buried in your ass to line up directly over the cup. This requires maneuvering over the cup; which you will find can only be done with an extremely humorous waddle. Once you think you are in correct drop mode, unclench your butt cheeks and let the quarter fly. This is a surprisingly exciting moment for the participant and viewers.
If you miss, there will be collective sighs of disappointment and you will have to try again. Once you start this game, you are not allowed to quit until you make one. Although you may take turns with others to get refocused and perhaps to learn some new strategies.
If you make it, the whole bar will erupt in cheer and merriment. It is amazing how happy everyone gets when somebody successfully drops a quarter from his or her ass crack into a cup on the floor.
I look forward to your comments detailing your experience because I know you all are going to try it. Vapid Vixen, I want video of your attempts.