Just Another Manic Monday

You know how people ask canned questions and don’t care about the answers much less really listen to them?  And the person being asked something is answering before they even hear the question because we are all so used to random meaningless greetings.  You know what I'm talking about.  Like this:

“Hey, how are you?”

“Not much.”

Or the other way around:

“What’s going on?”

“Good, thanks.”

And the person who said ‘good’ may have just had the worst day of their life but who wants to explain that in passing small talk?  I’m a social guy and certainly seem to like to be heard.  Sometimes I can’t shut the fuck up.  I’m voicemail’s worst nightmare.  If you have a time limit, I’ll max it out even if I don’t have much to say. 

If I haven’t seen someone or talked to them in a week and they ask, “What’s new,” I have to decide on the spot if I want to be honest.  If you asked me today what has been going on lately and I chose to be honest, here’s what I’d say:

Well, my kids’ school was on lockdown today because some guy supposedly barricaded himself in a house across the street and may or may not have had a hostage.  The police had the house surrounded and the kids on the side of the school with windows in sightline of the house were moved to the other end of the school.  They were about to be evacuated by bus to another school to be picked up when the lockdown ended.  I don’t know any more details yet, but the kids were never in danger and I guess the worst part for Will was that he had to eat tacos instead of his regularly packed lunch.  He doesn’t like tacos. 

I guess I don’t live in the Truman Show Pleasantville Bubble after all.  Wow, right? Now I have to figure out what details to tell the kids while knowing other kids will probably get more information than they need.  And I already have a huge dilemma with Will and his curiosity. Check out the note he wrote last night.

I asked him if it could wait until a tooth fell out and he said he wants to know now.  Luckily he forgot to put it under his pillow and I sure didn’t want to remind him so I dodged that one for the time being. 

I did some volunteer work at the homeless shelter.  Getting up at 5am sucks donkey balls.  Getting up at 5am and having some guy on the staff at the shelter call me a fucking asshole sucks giant donkey balls. 

I’m buying a house.  I’m excited but not happy about the hidden extra costs disguised as upgrades.  Like the detached garage and the accompanying $8,500 surcharge.  Um, the model was detached and the lot I chose is already zoned for detached – I have to pay this extra fee?  Can I have it attached then? No? Donkey balls!

In other news, I’m going to run the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning.  Work is rockin’. My kids are awesome.  I’m reading a great book that centers on what would happen if there were a cure for aging – basically nobody dies naturally.  Very good so far.  Speaking of aging, my parents just got back from a cruise. They are so old that they repeat trips now.  I might go to Chicago for a quick boondoggle in December.  I’ve been watching the Bears win week after week and even though I still hate Jay Cutler, I’m bummed he broke his thumb.  I’m not sure how he will be able to shove it up his own ass anymore.  Which reminds me I need tix for da Bears-Donkeys I mean Broncos game that is here on December 11^th.  I’ll fly back in time to go to it if I can score tickets.  Can you help a brutha out?

So yeah, not much is going on.  How about you?