Balls

I’ve been known to write about my balls a lot. It’s totally normal. Many a child’s first words includes ‘ball.’ Many baby toys are balls. As the babies get older, little boys get curious about their junk and ask lots of questions. My eight and five year old boys are dancing around the topic – naked usually. It’s nearly impossible to get them dressed after a bath. They are all wound up and like to run around yelling, “Shake your booty,” while flashing a bright white full moon that compares well to Saturday’s Super Moon. How frightening that I have two little exhibitionists.

I keep hoping that they will ask any serious questions when their mom has them on one of her nights. Of course she will probably play the gender card in which case the inquiries will come back to me. So I need to be ready to talk about ball sacks with them at any time. Which means I probably need to brush up on anatomy so I can handle tough questions such as ‘why do men have nipples?’

It is a weird thing the way men are built, isn’t it? I mean, if I can generalize for a sec, I think it’s fairly safe to say that guys like seeing naked chicks. There really isn’t a body part, region or zone that guys don’t like to see on a woman. If a woman sends a guy a nekked pic, it’s like winning a little lottery.

On the other hand, it seems that most chicks would not necessarily appreciate a photo of some guys’ package. Is it fair to say the cock is not all that attractive a body part, at least out of context? It’s sort of just shoved on there in the middle almost as an after thought with no regard to design. It gets in the way all the time and totally betrays our sexy-time emotions if we aren’t able to stand behind something or have easy access to a large book. I’m sure Apple would design the cock much differently if they had a shot at it.

And then what woman wants to see a close up of a man’s ball sack? Again, I’m generalizing and simply stating a suspicion. I mean, I’m sure the desire is directly related to the relationship, from the woman’s point of view. I would hope that a gal would be interested in nudies of her guy, although I still question if there is ever a time she would be making ball sack requests, especially if the sack is hairy! Whereas on the flipside, a guy would probably be happy to get a nekked shot of a gal he knew regardless of his relationship with her. Or regardless if he knows her. Right?

I’m not sure how I got on the ball sack slant. I think I’ve written about my little brother (from the Big Brother / Big Sister program) and the medical procedure that left him in a situation that I couldn’t help but nickname him One Nut. And then I have no shame and have written in detail about getting snipped. I’m sure I’ve referred to the great Saturday Night Live skit with Alec Baldwin and his Schweaty Balls on the NPR show. And I know I wrote a slight misdirection that turned out to be about basketball.

That is how this all started. I am going to play basketball in a few minutes. I go nearly every Monday. I was asked to go to the Nuggets game tonight, but I’d much rather play than watch. So I was sitting here at my desk at the end of the day, scratching my balls, and decided to write about whatever was on my mind. Basketball. Which turned into balls. Weird.