A friend of mine has an interesting theory about why older women like younger men. My friend is a woman, by the way. So I think her theory has more validity than if it were coming from a man. On the other hand, this same friend has tried to convince me that there really is nothing wrong with people having sexual relations with animals. I have to admit she put up a good argument and even consulted with outside resources to make some points. But I’ve always followed my heart more than my brain and I gotta tell you that fucking a sheep just doesn’t seem right no matter how convincing my Ivy League friend is.
On the other other hand, is there some sort of level of acceptance for how much sexytimes with animals is too much and how much is okay in a freak show and/or entertaining kind of way? I’ve heard of the Donkey Shows in Mexico and there are all kinds of nasty animal porn out there. What about when my other friend’s best friend had to jack off a dog for work (so she claims it was for work)? That story wasn’t as gross as it was just damn funny. Is sex with animals supposed to be funny?
Why is this blog beginning to give me the heebie jeebies? Who came up with heebie jeebies anyway? Checking The Google. Huh. An American comic-strip cartoonist named De Beck is getting credit for coining ‘heebie jeebies’ in the first decade of the 1900s. There is a time when it would have taken hours at the library sifting through card catalogues, encyclopedias and old books to figure out what The Google just told me in about five seconds. Amazing. Like me.
Anyway, my friend that must want to have sex with animals and is therefore trying to justify the legitimacy of it; has this theory about older women. By older women, we are defining them as over thirty. She says that when a guy and a gal are dating in their teens and twenties, the guy always wants to get laid, but the gal will require there to be love involved. She wants to be loved and cherished forever before she bends over.
My friend the animal lover is in her thirties and back in the dating scene. She of course wants to be loved and cherished forever. But it isn’t necessarily a key requirement for intimacy. I’m not saying she is dropping her drawers on the first date, but she could if she wanted to, or at least she expects some lip locking if she likes the guy. But she is finding the situation has flip flopped. Now, these guys in their thirties and forties are taking things so slowly. They want to get to know her and develop a relationship before they even kiss!
My animal desiring friend is gorgeous, smart, funny and is a catch for anyone. But it seems that most of these older guys want to be loved and cherished before they round first base. What does a woman have to do to get some sexytimes? Not all women are comfortable turning to animals, so this is a serious matter!
Her theory is that women over thirty are turning to younger guys because they are the ones who still just want to get laid. And guess what? Sometimes the women just want to get laid too.
Older women and younger men just want sex. Older men and younger women want a loving relationship. Interesting theory.
In keeping with the animal theme of your post, I'm going to call bullshit on this theory:
ReplyDelete"Older women and younger men just want sex. Older men and younger women want a loving relationship. Interesting theory."
I think you are right Dingo. I think we all want sex. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd jacking off a dog at work? I once had a boss who was a dick. We had to stroke his ego constantly. Same thing?
ReplyDeleteShe allegedly worked at a vet and they needed a sample. Sounds fishy to me too.
ReplyDeleteThis older woman wants sex and a loving relationship with a man - older, younger, doesn't matter as long as he wants plenty of the sexytime.
ReplyDelete"By older women, we are defining them as over thirty."
ReplyDeleteHah! Okay, I'm, uh, somewhat older than thirty. And I'm not in the dating game. But I do enjoy ogling certain of the twenty-something players on our local minor-league team. They're hot, they're relatively carefree, and they exude pheromones all over the place. Oh, crap, did I just hit "publish"?
I have an idea. You should take applications on behalf of your friend, and screen them so that she doesn't end up with those love and commitment guys.
ReplyDeleteno comment. it's pretty easy to get laid. oh, comment...
ReplyDeleteHere is the deal... oh forget it. my hands are tired from touching pigs and dogs all day.
I guess times have changed in the past 27 years. When I was single and in my 30s, it seemed to me all men wanted to get laid. I don't recall age being a factor.
ReplyDeleteBut animals....ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Your theory hits the mark right on.
ReplyDeleteIt took me about 4.5 seconds to agree.
Tom.
How old is Tom Bailey? He is one smart dude.
ReplyDeleteI like all men. And sex.
ReplyDeleteSome men I want to keep. Some men I want to screw and throw away.
ReplyDeleteIt's all based on individual assessment for me, honey!
Merry Christmas
Cath
x
i think it all depends on the man and what i've had for breakfast that day.
ReplyDeleteit always comes back to science.
@violet: You should think about not being so picky. :)
ReplyDelete@blissed: It doesn't hurt to look, right?
@liza: You want me to be a pimp?
@momo: You aren't kidding are you? You just mean the two-legged kind hoping for happy endings.
@eva: This is just a theory of my animal loving friend's that I'm presenting. I bet most people would vote that all men still just want to get laid. And see two women kiss. That's all we want. And this lamp.
@tom: It's not my theory, but I think Liza there appreciates your support.
@liza: Liza, Tom. Tom, Liza.
@linda: So it took writing about sex to get you to comment again, eh? Figures! And good for you!
@smack: That is probably par for course. Happy holidays to you too!!
@kara: And how do you like your eggs? Unfertilized?
You need some new friends, period.
ReplyDeleteHygiene 101... males peak at 18, women peak at 30. Simple.
I don't want to hear you asked Santa for a puppy this Christmas.
First of all, "Nothing wrong with people having sexual relationships with animals?" Really? No wait, seriously, really? I don't care what her argument was, that's just gross and I'm pretty sure it's illegal too.
ReplyDeleteAs I was the friend with the friend who jerked off the dog, she had to! If she didn't want to get fired that is. And for the record, she wore rubber gloves and gained no satisfaction from it (like a lot of wives must feel after having sex with their husbands).
I don't think age has anything to do with it at all. Not even a little bit. It's all about the person and the connection to that person. But that's just me.
The animal thing? IS illegal, and IS depraved. There's just something so wrong about that.
ReplyDeleteMakes my skin crawl just thinking about it. Ugh.
But I do agree with the older woman younger man thing. It just makes sense, in the way our peaks match up. Biologically, not so much, as older women don't normally have children, so from a procreation standpoint, it's a bit whacky.
But somehow, we human beings have found a way to make it work.
Until internet porn came along and fucked it up for relationships everywhere.
If I were allowed to date (darn husband), I'd probably date men younger than I. Because their brains are much more blank slate-y. Which means I'd get to write directly onto their hard drives without worrying about past data reemerging to bite me in the ass.
ReplyDeleteListen,
ReplyDeleteI am young and I want to fuck everything (animals aside. I'm not going there). I know loads of older men who want to fuck everything, specifically everything young and boobie-ish.
Show me a heterosexual man who refuses no-strings-attached sex with young careless babes and I'll show you a latent homosexual. These men are probably just afraid thirty year old woman is just setting some complex ring trap. That's why they're careful.
And on that note, regarding all of this and all the young females replying here about how they like just having sex:
Why am I not getting laid?
It's not that I prefer younger men. The problem is that after I passed 35, only men younger than me were the ones asking me out. What's a "girl" to do, but to go out with them? Hmmm, I would speak to the theory, but you neglected to demarcate the age when men become "older" men. I first thought that older or younger was relative, but you demarcated age for women, so I see there is a defining marker to take note of :)
ReplyDeleteBwahahahaha! Look out! PETA is behind you!
ReplyDeleteI think that it takes the twenties to really learn what you can and can't deal with. I think it has to do with reaching for empowerment and holding onto independence, too. It's a whole thing, is what I'm saying...
But you can't go wrong with virile!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteEeeek! By your definition then, I am an "older woman". This distresses me.
ReplyDeleteHm, but your friend's theory doesn't quite apply to me. I haven't yet met an older man that isn't ok with spontaneous sexytime in the parking lot within 5 minutes of exchanging names.
But I'm ok with being the exception instead of the rule.
So by your definition I'm not an "older woman" but I think that you're friends' theory is correct ... the theory about older women/younger men, not the whole beastiality thing. I mean, really, if I want to get screwed by a pig I'll just go trolling at a frat house not the barnyard ;D
ReplyDeleteShit. I'm an older woman.
ReplyDeleteWhere the hell is the tequila when you need it?
Wait--it's in mexico...arriba! Where's my donkey?
I agree with your theory. I wonder if it's because women have trained the men so well they are basically brainwashed. Meanwhile, the women have realized the men were right all along and really it's the sex that's good - not the "looove." I mean, after sex is over I usually have good memories. After love is over I have icky memories.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with Karen. Animal stuff is like child molestation in my eyes. SIIIICK.
ReplyDeleteIf your friend is such an animal lover, does she have an opinion on sleeping with older dogs vs. younger ones too?
I love sAm's saying she feels icky after Love but not after sex. I think I could kiss her. (for you benefit Awkward).
ReplyDeletePlus, I have had sex with a few dawgs, young and old!
She's not dating, she's just trying men on for size is all :P
ReplyDeleteUs blokes are supposed to be at our sexual peak at 19, and then it declines.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm still waiting for the bloody decline and it's been nearly twenty years.
It'll be a relief, frankly.
Word.
ReplyDeleteI suddenly feel like Jerry Falwell here- and I know none of his suits are even going to fit right, nor will they bring out the color of my eyes.
ReplyDeleteBut feel free to just image what he'd say and then I'd go:
"Word UP, Very Jerry."
Yes, yes, I KNOW he died. Geez.
I'm wondering if this is the proper time and place to bring up hate fucks, or would it just be crude?
ReplyDelete@@eloh: I know that peaking theory. But I'm 42 and my sexytimes are far from over. I get excited when the wind blows.
ReplyDelete@snowwhite: I love how you answered this one straight up.
@karen: You think porn is replacing relationships? What is your favorite site? ;)
@moi: You just want a dumb blonde?
@josh: It might be that spinach stuck there in your teeth.
@lickety: I only definied older women as 30+ because that is the age of the friend whose theory we are discussing. I totally believe age is relative. I am 42, feel 32, behave like a 22 year old and act like a 12 year old.
@OM: What about how times have changed in the dating world in general. There was a time when people worried about getting pregnant. Then it became STDs and AIDS. I recall reading about high school kids dating and that the blowjob has become a routine and expected part of the date. Like a goodnight kiss. Damn, why did I have to be a teenager in the 80s when baggy turtle neck sweaters and leggings were all the rage!
@sweet britches: Parking lots will do that to us.
@red: I bet it is easy to get laid at a frat house.
@chantel: Adios amigo! Send a postcard. Wait, don't!
@sAm: That was a well put sum up of post sex versus post love. And I agree - you women totally try to brainwash us guys! We are victims!
@mel: I love how you declared your disgust for the animal thing but then asked a follow up question.
@danielle: Yes, sAm said it well I think. I hope she takes you up on your offer.
ReplyDelete@cunning: Very interesting theory on the theory.
@the jules: Cheers to you, ya horndog!
@LD: So you agree on the animal thing. Interesting.
@entrepreneur: You know it's a good blog when Jerry Falwell becomes part of the conversation. Nice job EC!
@@eloh: Has anything or anyone ever stopped you before?
Hi. I'm new here; I just got sent over from the Sententious Vaunter.
ReplyDeleteYour friend's theory doesn't jive with me at all, and I can speak about this with some authority as I've ALWAYS liked younger men, even before I was "over thirty," and I now have a long-term partner who is 16 years younger than me.
For me, it's partly what moi said and partly that I generally find younger men (i.e., currently younger than, say, 35) to be more enlightened. That whole generation is just more awake.
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