Decisions

People have to make decisions every day. Some are easy, some are hard. Like women and men. Ha, that was funny. To me. Anyway, some people make snap decisions, others waver, and some people just can’t decide what to do. In those moments of cluelessness, people can turn to decision making aids such as the coin flip, the magic eight ball, a friend, the wise man in the cave on top of the mountain, darts, or flat out delegation.

Well, in what I think may be one of modern day’s greatest inventions, I have found the perfect solution to decision making.



I found this tablet while I was looking for a Congratulations card for my friend that lost a relative or maybe it was a Get Well Soon card for her birthday or maybe it was a Sympathy card for her achievement or maybe it was a Happy Anniversary card because I was thinking of her or maybe it was a Graduation card for her pending divorce. I just can’t remember anymore because this decision making tool has consumed my warped mind.

It has all the necessary fields. First you clearly note the dilemma. Then you record the date, mark the confidentiality, commit to a decision deadline and track the urgency which is conveniently available at three different levels.

Next is the fun part. Pros and Cons followed up by a tally of results, conclusion and plan of action. Finally, the most satisfying moment is getting to check the Problem Solved box.

Since I got so sidetracked in buying the Newborn Congrats card for my friend that doesn’t like babies, I decided to test out the decision making tablet with a dilemma of her choice. And it was a good one! The dilemma is:

Should I give my husband’s old girlfriend his new girlfriend’s Uggs to keep forever?

After marking it confidential because her daughter actually wore the Uggs home and she didn’t want the kid to know that she might be giving the Uggs away, my friend gave it medium urgency because she had a day to decide what to do.

The Pros:

• It is always better to give than receive. This is very thoughtful of the wife

• They would look better on the old girlfriend's feet than in the wife's garbage can where the dog would be sure to get them and eat them

• It will give the wife pleasure for some reason

• It's a good story

• The old girlfriend has no walking shoes at the wife’s house so this will help her

• It will be a good lesson for the husband’s new girlfriend to learn that she needs to watch her shit around the husband’s house, especially when the wife’s daughter has the same size feet

• The husband’s old girlfriend can't ever say you don't ever give her anything

• Maybe this is a good new way to get your friends gifts. Encourage your daughter to borrow jewelry next time

• I will be able to save some of my child support money by asking my daughter to borrow her clothes

• Perhaps now that she has warm weather shoes here I can get the old girlfriend to take out my garbage, rake some leaves and white wash my fence

The Cons:

• They may not be the exact color or style if you were actually purchasing these for your husband’s old girlfriend

• The dog needs to eat

• The husband will have to buy his new girlfriend a new pair and this will make him less apt to pay for the pair I bought today because Nordstrom's wouldn't take mine back

• Although it is a good story it makes me appear crazy

• If the masseuse comes over and has no shoes on I will have nothing to offer her

• The new girlfriend might have stinky feet

• It is unclear who the old girlfriend should send the thank you note to

• The new girlfriend might catch a cold because she has no shoes, give it to the husband and I will have to hear him complain about being sick

At this point, we decided to tally the results and came up with ten Pros versus eight Cons. We concluded that ten is greater than eight; therefore the plan of action was to give her husband’s new girlfriend’s Uggs to her husband’s old girlfriend.

And then I checked the Problem Solved box. This was very pleasing.

As a public service to you, I’d be happy to help you with your dilemma since I have this handy problem solving tablet. What is your dilemma? To work out or lay on the couch? To hit on the babysitter? To wear underwear? To drink at work? Where to punch your boss? Tell me! We can mark it urgent and have your problem solved by dinner time.