I’m a little bit sarcastic. And I joke around a lot. Big hairy surprise, right? Right. So it’s a good thing the Smiley Guy has become a universal symbol in written communication for making it okay to say what you just said, no matter how obnoxious, wrong, sarcastic, silly, insulting, naughty or ridiculous it was.
You know the Smiley Guy. He is the yellow smiling face emoticon that is in most IM and email programs. If I had a clue how to put one in here, I would. Smiley Guy is also represented by various combinations of punctuation marks depending on if you want him blinking or with smelling capabilities. Here he is in the most standard form:
:)
If somebody wants a cheeky or racy emphasis, they may choose a winker with a nose:
;-)
I try to avoid using Smiley Guy in any format, just as I try not to spew out a lot of the LOL, LMAO, etc. To compensate, I’ll sometimes use “ha” or if I was really obnoxious, I’d put a little Beavis & Butthead into it with a “heh.” When I do use Smiley Guy, it tends to be a genuine symbol of my happiness, rather than my bailout for whatever I just wrote.
But I’ve done it. We’ve all done it. We all have written something and added some derivative of the Smiley Guy as our way to say ‘whatever I just wrote may be 100% true and exactly what I’m thinking but I don’t want to offend you, at least in front of your stupid face, so this Smiley Guy here is making it perfectly clear that I was only kidding as far as you know and that I’d never really say anything like this, out loud or in mixed company, again as far as you know, so now my ass is covered and I have a free pass to say whatever the fuck I want.’
Wouldn’t it be cool if we could apply this concept to real live conversation? We could carry a Smiley Guy around on a stick and hold him up whenever we say something inappropriate and all would be well. Just imagine the possibilities!!!
“Good morning. Wow, you look fat in those pants.” *hold up Smiley Guy*
“If I have to listen to one more minute of your drivel I’m going to puke.” *hold up Smiley Guy*
“Hey Cousin, if you go to Sam’s I think you can get a better deal on bulk sour cream than I’m getting buying one carton every other day from the grocery store for your fat ass.” *hold up Smiley Guy*
“You are so hot and I can’t stop staring at your boobs.” *hold up Smiley Guy*
“You fucking idiot!” *hold up Smiley Guy*
“It’s not you. It’s me.” *hold up Smiley Guy*
And then if this goes on long enough, I think you can save valuable time and energy simply by holding up the Smiley Guy anytime you see some jackass without even having to say a word. The Smiley Guy says it all.
Thanks for reading. ;-)
That was almost as lame a post as I did today! *hold up Smiley Guy*
ReplyDelete;- }
Ok, I just had to look back at my last post and my comment on your blog and make sure I didn't use Smiley Guy. I think I am safe for now, but I am a cronic user.
ReplyDeleteDamn you for calling this out. Now what the hell am I going to use? :0
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ReplyDeleteI must admit that I do use SG at times but RARELY the ROTFLMFAO, LOL, OMG, IDK...shit. I hate that! OMG.
ReplyDeleteI use smiley guy all the time! :)
ReplyDeleteSmiley guy does make everything okay!
So does, K? Cause that's just sweet.
LOL is as gay as my gay boyfriend but sometimes needed. Like when I say something about name tags.
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ReplyDelete|
''''
That's me giving you the finger. I'm holding up my sign with my other hand :)
Well I think you should start marketing this product immediately. You may have invented World peace.
ReplyDeleteSx
:o)
I use only (*)(*) < perky boobs
ReplyDeleteand O~~ O~~ < Sperm swimming
They find each other always!
Do you know how this is?
:)
ReplyDeletei detest emoticons. i want to stamp on their faces and every other part they may or may not have.
ReplyDeletebut yes, sometimes you need to use them. i get in trouble for "tone" a lot over IM and email. instead of changing my ways, i just end things with "(insert horrible smiley emoticon here)" or something similar. it does the job and i feel a little less like a whore in the morning. actually, i think i've lost track of what i was talking about.
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ReplyDeleteI actually use the emoticons to send secret messages that I don't want to be obvious. For example...
ReplyDelete:o) "You're bigger than I expected!"
;o) "Can we PLZ do an*l this time?!
:o( I guess we can do it missionary.
I'm still gonna use "LOL", "LMAO" AND smiley guy. Fuck you.
ReplyDelete*holds up smiley guy*
I just learned WTF. I would get all confused trying to draw with shit bits from the key board. I can make up my own now, o O o , okay. That is me, an asshole, before, during, and after farting.
ReplyDeleteIs this a first? I would like it very much and would have to attempt to patent it.
* e o OOO o e *
ReplyDeleteThis one was really stinky, boiled eggs and beer.
** ** OOO/ That was a church fart where you try really hard to hold it in but it just makes it louder, then your asshole slams shut from the embarrassment. Then, you turn around and give the person in the pew behind you a really disgusted look so everyone thinks it was them.
@eva: That would make this super lame wouldn't it? ;-)
ReplyDelete@danielle: Does your handwriting include lots of bubbly letters with circles and hearts for the dots? :)
@sarah: Who really ever rolls around on the floor collecting dust bunnies laughing their fucking ass off anyway? My pal MoMo used to ask me all the time what IDK stands for. :-)
@FS-OYC: Like a name tag that says FL-OYP? heh
@laughing idiot: Noooo, YOU are number one!! ha
@scarlet: My ad campaign will somehow include whirled peas. ;)
@OraLee: Me thinks you meant to ask if I know who this is rather than how this is. Cuz if it was how, I'd wonder if you are asking me if I know how swimming spermies find perky boobs.
@steph: :)
@kara: I hope you are keeping the whore meter low in the mornings. Cuz those nights are ridiculous. ;-)
@pwn star: I will immediately look for all communication from you searching for these secret messages! heh
@karen: If you laugh your ass off, aren't you worried about someone running off with it and using it as a throw pillow or center piece? :)
@@eloh: You seem to have a slight gas problem. I recommend whoopie cushions as diversionary tactics and slightly less boiled eggs and beer on Sundays. :-)
ReplyDeleteYou are the great cornholio! heh heh
ReplyDelete*holds up Smiley*
LMFAO- i fucking love this post! it's true, we all know it.. HAHAHAHHAHAA.. you should create one of those hold up signs- remember how we used to have them as kids- you could flip the the panel thing to say all sorts of different things to drivers passing you? you don't remember that? fine.
ReplyDeletemake it. it will be an internet sensation!
You know what the real life equivalent of the smiley guy is? A smile on your face and a soft voice.
ReplyDeleteSeriously. You can get away with saying just about anything so long as you don't yell and you smile while you say it.
@tam: Nice work with the beavis and sign application. I bet you need to use them both all the time. ;)
ReplyDelete@jennster: I remember those things but never actually had one. All we had was car bingo and it was impossible to spot a water pump from the highway. You are the internet sensation. That title is taken! :)
@golden girl: Presentation is always key. I'm not sure how much a big smile and soft tone would help when I call someone a fucking idiot, but I'll try it.
you should make your own smiley faces. you could make it an art project for the weekend, get the kids to help.
ReplyDeletenow i've forgotten what you lot call ice lollies...hmmmm?
oh!
popsicles. good lord! what on earth is wrong with you people?
anyway, you'll need a bunch of popsicle sticks.
With so much of our communication occurring in the written form, I find emoticons necessary. It is really difficult to read tone into statements. I'd rather emoticon than LOL. I refuse to LOL or ROTFL, but a wink does not offend me.
ReplyDeletePeople who don't cover their asses tone-wise usually come off as assholes.
I don't want to be an asshole.
I think there's an ad concept in there somewhere. I love the idea of Smiley Guy being a get out of jail free card.
ReplyDeleteAs far as LOL and LMAO go, I want to shove them down the garbage disposal until they are in the sewer forever. I, like you, prefer "ha."
@projectivist: We are stoopid Americans with our popcicle sticks. Yes, my boys would love that kind of art project. Especially if they get to eat the ice lollies first! :-)
ReplyDelete@mandy: I'm glad you are constantly on self-asshole alert. You have teetered dangerously close many times only to be saved by a winky guy. ;)
@mel: And it's universal. You can use it over there where you are now, right? Like if you lean on stonehenge and they finally tumble down like dominoes, you can simply hold up Smiley Guy. Ha!
I can only use LOL if I did actually did laugh out loud, even if it was only a small guffaw.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I've ever ROFLMAO.
Except at university, possibly due to disco cigarettes.
I am a notoriously bad winker [ ;) ] and have used the "Smiley Guy" often enough not to be too hypocritical about it. That being said, I hate it when someone uses it after saying something nice, because it seems to invalidate it. In my sarcastic mind, at least.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if I would want to see it go commercial:
Anyone remember the "Here's your sign" signs? Anyone? No?
Could be just ol' little me, and this backwoods area I live in.
Basically, it was a comic routine based on the actions of obnoxious obvious people. After someone made a blatantly obvious remark, that would be in the form of a question (like Jeopardy), they hadn't a clue as to whether said remark was in FACT a true statement. Followed by a cynical joke about said statement, and "here's your sign".
I think they stopped showing jokes of that nature since it seeemed like he was saying "Here's your disabled parking sign". Who knows.
i was JUST thinking this!! ha! just add a little "lol" ....or a fake grin- and it's basically allowing yourself to say whatever the hell you want to say.
ReplyDeletehilarious.
I miss you btw!! I haven't heard from you in forever- but you're apparently alive because you're bloggin'
:-)