I was out of town for just over a week. I had back to back conferences in LA and Phoenix. The weather was grand, the sessions were great and the time away was refreshing. I barely paid attention to what was going on at the office back home. And I managed to forget about the daily stresses that seem to be building up inside me every single day.
I learned tons and had a lot of fun too. I have stories. Stay tuned.
In the meantime, I was giving my boys a bath last night. Drew (the three year old) had a nasty looking wound on his forearm. It looked like a rattlesnake bite.
“Drew, what happened to your arm?”
“A baby tried to eat me.”
Then I remembered that the wife told me they had dinner at a neighbor’s house my second night away. She said the neighbor’s one year old bit Drew.
“Ohhh, buddy! Who did it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Was it Ryan?”
“Yes, Ryan did it. I got away, but I cried.”
“Are you okay now?”
“Yes Daddy.”
“You are lucky he didn’t eat you.”
“Yah, I got away.”
Getting back to reality after being out for a week has been tough. But tales of a cannibal baby from my little boy makes it a little bit better.
what? you didn't tell him to bite him back?
ReplyDeleteor are you not supposed to do that anymore.
i can't keep up with the times.
I love that, "A baby tried to eat me"
ReplyDeleteIf I had a dollar for every time that happened to me....
I like stories that are nameless and make my butt look small.
*wink*
Poor little guy!
ReplyDelete@kara: You hit back, but you don't bite back. Sheesh!
ReplyDelete@momo: I just hope Drew isn't a vampire now. I like stories about hot tubs, cemeteries and every restaurant bathroom you have ever been in.
@OM: I guess it was traumatic at the time. I doubt he will ever use the term 'bite me' when trading insults with anyone.
Ahahahahahahahahah!
ReplyDeleteKeep an eye out for signs of Pedophobia!
That's.....kinda disturbing. I mean, Drew's recount of it is cute and funny but...
ReplyDeleteOh well. It's just a baby....right?
Maybe I don't want one after all.
geeeeeez...i'm glad Drew got away from the cannibaby...ummmm welcome back to the real world?
ReplyDeleteYou learn something on the road. You learn something at home. A pretty good week, I'd say!
ReplyDeleteMaybe the cani-baby got stood up on his lunch date. ;)
ReplyDeleteI wish someone would try to eat me.
ReplyDeleteI didn't say that!
Lol. Brown-Eyed Girl totally stole my line!!!
ReplyDelete(I wasn't quick enough. Drats!)
:(
i am saying amen to brown eyed girl, on the wishing someone would eat me.
ReplyDeleteanyone, anyone
that was funny - cannibal babies - makes our problems just look so trivial in comparison lol.
ReplyDeleteI could live in Phoenix. It's a nice place.
ReplyDeleteSee there? You've given me another nightmare to perseverate on: Cannibal babies. I'll just continue to experience the joys of chillruns from over here, thank you very much.
ReplyDeleteGlad to see you made it home safely despite the storms.
Those one year olds are bitey.
ReplyDeleteMy friend Kelly is nick-named "Chompers" in her family to this day because of her penchant for biting her older siblings when she was one, one and a half.
@OM: Seriously! Some kids are afraid of dogs. Mine will be terrified of dracula babies.
ReplyDelete@lilly: You just don't want a biting baby. You are falling victim to the best form of birth control - other people's kid stories.
@chairman: Speaking of the canni-baby, the real world bites right now. Know any good islands I could escape to?
@xl: Are you gonna tell me I'm building character next?
@anonymous: Then to stay consistent, I'm going to blow off commenting on your comment. Wait. Oops.
@brown eyed girl, pwn star and compulsively: REALLLLLLLLY? *wink wink and a clickety click to all three of yas*
@mars: True. Nobody has tried to have me for dinner before. I'd probably be a little gamey anyway.
@wreggie: Except for the six months of the year when the temps don't go lower than a hundy.
@moi: I have a pretty good habit of grossing you out and/or frightening you. *taking bow*
@mandy: My kids were never biters, thank goodness. Drew likes to hit now and then, but mostly only on his big brother who usually, quite frankly, deserves it.
That is a very sweet story. He got away. LOL.
ReplyDeleteP.S.
Ohhh fine, just come out to LA and don't call. I see how it is. :)
baaaaaa baaaaa
ReplyDeleteum in case you are too artarded that is my portrayal of a sheep.
your sheep miss you.
wont you take them home
seriously what am i suppose to do with this blow up sheep?
what did you do with it?
ok nevermind i asked, in fact please DO NOT tell me.
I hope he bit the baby back. Mmmm...baby...
ReplyDeleterattlesnake bite?
ReplyDelete@hannah: I hit every banana stand in Hollywood looking for you!!!
ReplyDelete@compulsively: I think you accidentally put a comment for Cunning in my blog. Everyone knows of his lust for farm animals.
@mel: Are you getting a little turned on by biting? Do you and Mr. W. nibble on each other? I think you have a new blog to write missy.
@FS: Me and the boys do catch rattlesnakes just for fun. If we get bored wrastling gators. Although lately, we've mostly been hunting bears. Yes siree maam bob stanley. We are going on a bear hunt. We're going to catch a big one. What a beautiful day. We're not scared!
ReplyDelete*apologies to michael rosen for using his lines without asking*
Did you tell him to kick the baby the next time? :P
ReplyDeleteso thats how your gonna be
ReplyDeletefine i am sure uncle cunning will take the fall for you, him being a nice guy and all.
@TM: We don't kick babies. We only kick kittens.
ReplyDelete@compulsively: Don't you have some dancing to do at a bowling alley or sumthin?
Meh, it ain't just stories, hon. It's the demon spawn that my 2 cousins managed to birth. Everytime I'm around them, I feel my ovaries shrink.
ReplyDeleteThe one cousin shoulda known enough that no baby/child/teenager could ever top their firstborn, and stopped after her. SHE is fucking perfect.
The rest? I'd like to throw somewhere.
Somewhere that I can't hear their whinging and screaming.
Also.....nice use of Throwing Cunning Under the Bus. I like you! :D
@lilly: I have a feeling you just lost your shot at nanny of the year.
ReplyDeleteBrett - No I wasn't getting turned on, perv. Baby biting and Mr. W biting are two different things. I was actually quoting Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. Mmmmm....baby...
ReplyDelete